what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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