I'm going to jail i love you
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
