tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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