If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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