Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
