# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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