so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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