He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
