maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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