Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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