Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
