either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
