My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize