I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
