fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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