Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Still dying that you shit outside
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
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