...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
