She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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