Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
