If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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