i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
