We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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