dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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