i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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