You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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