After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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