i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize