I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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