Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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