I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
