Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
