I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
