if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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