i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
That accounts for only three of the penises
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
