okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
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