have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
