hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize