You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
