I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize