So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
