This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
