Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
