I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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