Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
