we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
In America we eat man semen.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
