i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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