when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
