You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize