I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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