okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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