Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
pray to the hookup gods
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
