Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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