It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
My vagina is officially offended.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
