Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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