Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He better not be in your backpack
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
