i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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