Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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