my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Say something about gay babies.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
