Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
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