what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Randomize
