And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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