I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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