Swine flu. Run for my life!
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
if only i could text you this smell
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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