But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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