Can i not drive my cunt home
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
