my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Randomize
