I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
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