I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
