I wannas sexs uuuuu
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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