mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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