just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
