Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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