Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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