Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
