I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
