There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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