I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
