idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
