"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
