I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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