it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
