I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
