some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
