Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
