I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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