dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
