I don't usually arrange sex via text message
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
